We're surgin' baby!

Yesterday was cycle day 14 for me and I got a call from my wonderful RE nurse. She's honestly one of the sweetest people I've spoken to at my RE's office, I almost feel guilty for wanting to prove her wrong last month.

She called to tell me that my blood and ultrasounds results show that I'm a 'walking sign of fertility'... wish I had a baby in my womb to prove that.

In any case, I clearly had an LH surge and she expects me to ovulate either yesterday or today and so I should 'get busy'. By yesterday evening, I had ovulation pains that I get every month and just like the nurse said, the pain was on my left side.

I know I said that TTC is stressing me out and that I would take this month off, but after my nurses' call, how could I? I got so tempted just to try this month especially since it's the first month of cycle monitoring and all my test results sound so encouraging.

For the first time in a very long time since we started TTC, BF and I had an 'awesome time' ;) It was like our pre-TTC days.

To be honest, we weren't able to BD much during the fertile window, so ovulation day is really all we were able to get in this week. I've heard most say that it's best to BD the days leading up to ovulation day, so I'm not sure how much of a chance we have this month. I'm just glad we made an attempt.

My RE doesn't seem to be concerned, but I find it odd that for the last few months, I'm ovulating all over the place. This month, I'm ovulating on CD14, last month it was CD18, the month before CD12. As a result, I'm having anywhere from 27 - 34 day cycles.

My RE says I'm still within the normal range, but I'm only concerned because until about the last 4 months, I had a regular 29 day cycle and all of a sudden, my cycles went all over the place (for me).

In any case, I'm now starting my 2WW. Since I've never been a patient person, this is the most stressful part for me because I'm listening to my body the whole time waiting to see if I feel anything. Of course by 13 DPO, I've convinced myself that I have all the early pregnancy symptoms and the red tide of disappointment comes the very next day to prove otherwise.

I'm going to try not to obsess this month and focus on other things... we'll see if I make it

Way to go uterus!

I had my Sonohysterogram  today. I'd already done quite a bit of reading before I went in, and from everything I've read, most just feel slight cramping.

I took 2 tylenols before going. It was quick, I was in an out within 15 minutes!

The procedure itself wasn't painful. In fact, I've had papsmears more painful than the sono. Even now, about 5 hours later, I have really minor cramps that are easily taken care of with tylenol. My AF cramps are 100 time worse than this.

As soon as my RE got a look, she said "you have a gorgeous uterus!"

There's clearly no such think as an awkward moment when TTC, so I thanked her. I asked her if she saw any fibroids or anything else and she said no.

She said that she can see both tubes are open.

I'm a bit confused here because I thought that only an HSG (Hysterosalpingogram) could determine blocked or open tubes.

They have you in and out of there within 5 - 10 minutes, so there really isn't much time to ask questions. I have an appointment with my RE to discuss my sono and first month of cycle monitoring in a month, so I'll ask her those questions then.

I want to request that she do a HSG to make sure I have no blockage, but I don't know if this is overkill. I just want to make sure that we leave no stone unturned.

I've heard people say the HSG is a lot more painful, but honestly, I'll take the pain to discover why my gorgeous uterus has no baby in it.

If anyone is reading and knows the answer to this, can you determine if tubes are blocked through a sono?

The Numbers Are In!

So I got the call that I'd been eagerly waiting for from the nurse to give me the results of this morning's cycle monitoring.

Despite the fact that I had been clutching my cell phone everywhere I went to ensure I didn't miss her call, I still missed it. She called while I was in the elevator (those 10 seconds made a difference).

Nevertheless, the results seem to be good based on what she said. For those of you who can decipher these things:

Ovarian function (blood and ultrasound) - Normal
Estrogen - 121 (they like to see less than 200)
FSH - 6.6 (they like to see less than 10)
Follicle Count - 11 (they like to see 6 or more)

She ended the voicemail by says that everything looks very good.

I hope everything keeps going as well as it has so far.

Cycle Monitoring #1

Today is cycle day 3 for me.

I went in to my fertility clinic to get my blood test and ultrasound done. I expected the serene waiting area I saw the first time I got half of my blood taken. Not so.

Since cycle monitoring is from 7:00 to 9:00 am, the large waiting room was filled with women of all ages waiting to either get their blood drawn or have their ultrasound while the cooking channel was on the huge 60" inch screen in the waiting area. Some had kids with them already, some were there starting at their blackberrys. Some looked like high powered business women in a rush, others looked like artists, accountants, students.

I've always been obsessed with looking at engagement rings - some had huge rings, some had simple but beautiful bands and others had nothing.

I felt instantly conscious. Would I look like an irresponsible woman attempting to bring a child into this world out of wedlock?

It took me a few minutes to realize that nobody really cared whether I had a ring on my finger or not. They almost seemed eager to get these tests done so that they could move on with their day.

The joy of being a novice is that you notice everything.

My blood was drawn by a lady who didn't say a single word. Not even a hello or a smile.

After having one vial of blood taken this time (yay!!), I waited for my trans-vaginal ultrasound. Luckily, day 3 didn't seem like a messy day for me. "Is this normal?" I wondered as I waited.

I hate to be graphic, but I was wondering if maybe other women have a bit more 'AF mess' at this point. When you're TTC, you wonder if anything your body does is normal. Maybe those cramps were a bad thing. What if the lack of cramps are even worse. My boobs don't hurt, maybe they should by now, etc. etc. etc.

In any case, my name was called and the Tech was a lovely woman who greeted me with a smile and called me honey. I've had ultrasounds like these in the past and the Tech usually leaves the room while you undress (bottom half). This one didn't. I figure she does countless ultrasounds a day and can't run in and out.

I did what she requested and hopped on the table.

Since the screen wasn't pointed towards me, I thought I could read something in her face as to whether or not she saw something abnormal in or around my reproductive system.

I understand that one of the goals is to see how many and the size of follicles I have in each ovary. Although I couldn't really read her face, I did see her counting. I think I read her lips up to 8 on one ovary. Not sure what this means. I've heard that having too many is not a good thing and having too few isn't not a good thing either.

I was in and out of the clinic in 25 minutes. For someone as impatient as me, that was great!

Now I'm waiting for the nurse to call and give me the results of my blood and ultrasounds... hope I'll be able to jump this hurdle.

First RE appointment

I have a confession to make...

My BF doesn't know that I'm seeing an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) or a fertility doctor, as many call it. Like many men, he gets instantly uncomfortable at the drop of the word 'doctor'. I don't want our TTC journey to be about pressure for him, because he needs to perform :) So I've decided that I would meet with a doctor to figure out if my body is perhaps not responding the way it should. Maybe it's something I can figure out.

I know BF and feel that if I share this with him at this point, it will put so much pressure on him, that he won't be able to perform, nor will he be able to relax.

Ignorance is bliss and I'd like to keep it that way for him for now.

I met my RE this morning. Although a bit mechanical, she seems alright. I'm not expecting to make a major emotional connection with my doctor, so I'm okay with that fact that she seems a bit distant. I have friends for hugs.

I just want her to figure our what is going on and see if there is anything that she can do to help.

We met for about 15 minutes. She asked me about my history and told me the next step would be having me give blood so that they can test various hormone levels as well as to give me a pregnancy test.

I almost laughed.

Although I used OPKs this month, I've been feeling very much as though this is yet another unsuccessful month. In fact, I stopped even considering that this may be the month that we conceived like I normally do.

I'm not sure why I feel this way. I know there are couples out there TTC for years (not just months like me). For the first time however, I felt pessimistic about this cycle.

I didn't even consider the possibility of a pregnancy until she mentioned a blood pregnancy test.

Off I went to give roughly 11 vials of blood. Thank God giving blood doesn't freak me out!

How it all began...

First of all, I'll apologize for not having a more exciting title, but at least it's descriptive :)

In short - I'm an almost 34-year-old eagerly on the TTC (Trying to conceive) journey.

Like countless other women, I've known I wanted to be a mother since the age of 5. That was the age someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I told them "I'm gonna be a mommy".

Fast forward 29 years... I've checked off all my other 'must haves' to get closer to being a mommy. Everything I did was to get closer to motherhood. I rushed through college, developed a great career, started a business and finally met a fantastic partner. Now it's baby time!

I say 'partner', because 'boyfriend' seems so trivial, especially at age 34. But essentially, that's what he is at this point, so I'll refer to him as BF from here on. BF and I have been seeing each other for a year and a half, great friends for two. At 46, he's obviously much, much older than me. After much hesitation, I decided that the age difference is not something I wanted to keep me away from getting to know him better, so I continued this relationship and boy am I glad I did!

Planning a life together and working tirelessly towards that goal, we've decided to start the journey to start a family. After years of being careful not to get pregnant, I assumed that it was something that would happen almost instantly.

After 11 months of trying, we're without a BFP.

One of my biggest fears has always been that I may not be able to have a baby. I'm a big time worrier  - I worry about everything little thing that could happen in life. I'm even more worried now that there could be something seriously wrong.

After months of counting cycle days, monitoring CM (so not what I ever thought I'd do) and for the last 3 months, using OPKs, I've decided to get a referral to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist).

My appointment is in a few days...