First RE appointment

I have a confession to make...

My BF doesn't know that I'm seeing an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) or a fertility doctor, as many call it. Like many men, he gets instantly uncomfortable at the drop of the word 'doctor'. I don't want our TTC journey to be about pressure for him, because he needs to perform :) So I've decided that I would meet with a doctor to figure out if my body is perhaps not responding the way it should. Maybe it's something I can figure out.

I know BF and feel that if I share this with him at this point, it will put so much pressure on him, that he won't be able to perform, nor will he be able to relax.

Ignorance is bliss and I'd like to keep it that way for him for now.

I met my RE this morning. Although a bit mechanical, she seems alright. I'm not expecting to make a major emotional connection with my doctor, so I'm okay with that fact that she seems a bit distant. I have friends for hugs.

I just want her to figure our what is going on and see if there is anything that she can do to help.

We met for about 15 minutes. She asked me about my history and told me the next step would be having me give blood so that they can test various hormone levels as well as to give me a pregnancy test.

I almost laughed.

Although I used OPKs this month, I've been feeling very much as though this is yet another unsuccessful month. In fact, I stopped even considering that this may be the month that we conceived like I normally do.

I'm not sure why I feel this way. I know there are couples out there TTC for years (not just months like me). For the first time however, I felt pessimistic about this cycle.

I didn't even consider the possibility of a pregnancy until she mentioned a blood pregnancy test.

Off I went to give roughly 11 vials of blood. Thank God giving blood doesn't freak me out!