So I got the call that I'd been eagerly waiting for from the nurse to give me the results of this morning's cycle monitoring.
Despite the fact that I had been clutching my cell phone everywhere I went to ensure I didn't miss her call, I still missed it. She called while I was in the elevator (those 10 seconds made a difference).
Nevertheless, the results seem to be good based on what she said. For those of you who can decipher these things:
Ovarian function (blood and ultrasound) - Normal
Estrogen - 121 (they like to see less than 200)
FSH - 6.6 (they like to see less than 10)
Follicle Count - 11 (they like to see 6 or more)
She ended the voicemail by says that everything looks very good.
I hope everything keeps going as well as it has so far.
Thursday, 27 October 2011
Cycle Monitoring #1
Today is cycle day 3 for me.
I went in to my fertility clinic to get my blood test and ultrasound done. I expected the serene waiting area I saw the first time I got half of my blood taken. Not so.
Since cycle monitoring is from 7:00 to 9:00 am, the large waiting room was filled with women of all ages waiting to either get their blood drawn or have their ultrasound while the cooking channel was on the huge 60" inch screen in the waiting area. Some had kids with them already, some were there starting at their blackberrys. Some looked like high powered business women in a rush, others looked like artists, accountants, students.
I've always been obsessed with looking at engagement rings - some had huge rings, some had simple but beautiful bands and others had nothing.
I felt instantly conscious. Would I look like an irresponsible woman attempting to bring a child into this world out of wedlock?
It took me a few minutes to realize that nobody really cared whether I had a ring on my finger or not. They almost seemed eager to get these tests done so that they could move on with their day.
The joy of being a novice is that you notice everything.
My blood was drawn by a lady who didn't say a single word. Not even a hello or a smile.
After having one vial of blood taken this time (yay!!), I waited for my trans-vaginal ultrasound. Luckily, day 3 didn't seem like a messy day for me. "Is this normal?" I wondered as I waited.
I hate to be graphic, but I was wondering if maybe other women have a bit more 'AF mess' at this point. When you're TTC, you wonder if anything your body does is normal. Maybe those cramps were a bad thing. What if the lack of cramps are even worse. My boobs don't hurt, maybe they should by now, etc. etc. etc.
In any case, my name was called and the Tech was a lovely woman who greeted me with a smile and called me honey. I've had ultrasounds like these in the past and the Tech usually leaves the room while you undress (bottom half). This one didn't. I figure she does countless ultrasounds a day and can't run in and out.
I did what she requested and hopped on the table.
Since the screen wasn't pointed towards me, I thought I could read something in her face as to whether or not she saw something abnormal in or around my reproductive system.
I understand that one of the goals is to see how many and the size of follicles I have in each ovary. Although I couldn't really read her face, I did see her counting. I think I read her lips up to 8 on one ovary. Not sure what this means. I've heard that having too many is not a good thing and having too few isn't not a good thing either.
I was in and out of the clinic in 25 minutes. For someone as impatient as me, that was great!
Now I'm waiting for the nurse to call and give me the results of my blood and ultrasounds... hope I'll be able to jump this hurdle.
I went in to my fertility clinic to get my blood test and ultrasound done. I expected the serene waiting area I saw the first time I got half of my blood taken. Not so.
Since cycle monitoring is from 7:00 to 9:00 am, the large waiting room was filled with women of all ages waiting to either get their blood drawn or have their ultrasound while the cooking channel was on the huge 60" inch screen in the waiting area. Some had kids with them already, some were there starting at their blackberrys. Some looked like high powered business women in a rush, others looked like artists, accountants, students.
I've always been obsessed with looking at engagement rings - some had huge rings, some had simple but beautiful bands and others had nothing.
I felt instantly conscious. Would I look like an irresponsible woman attempting to bring a child into this world out of wedlock?
It took me a few minutes to realize that nobody really cared whether I had a ring on my finger or not. They almost seemed eager to get these tests done so that they could move on with their day.
The joy of being a novice is that you notice everything.
My blood was drawn by a lady who didn't say a single word. Not even a hello or a smile.
After having one vial of blood taken this time (yay!!), I waited for my trans-vaginal ultrasound. Luckily, day 3 didn't seem like a messy day for me. "Is this normal?" I wondered as I waited.
I hate to be graphic, but I was wondering if maybe other women have a bit more 'AF mess' at this point. When you're TTC, you wonder if anything your body does is normal. Maybe those cramps were a bad thing. What if the lack of cramps are even worse. My boobs don't hurt, maybe they should by now, etc. etc. etc.
In any case, my name was called and the Tech was a lovely woman who greeted me with a smile and called me honey. I've had ultrasounds like these in the past and the Tech usually leaves the room while you undress (bottom half). This one didn't. I figure she does countless ultrasounds a day and can't run in and out.
I did what she requested and hopped on the table.
Since the screen wasn't pointed towards me, I thought I could read something in her face as to whether or not she saw something abnormal in or around my reproductive system.
I understand that one of the goals is to see how many and the size of follicles I have in each ovary. Although I couldn't really read her face, I did see her counting. I think I read her lips up to 8 on one ovary. Not sure what this means. I've heard that having too many is not a good thing and having too few isn't not a good thing either.
I was in and out of the clinic in 25 minutes. For someone as impatient as me, that was great!
Now I'm waiting for the nurse to call and give me the results of my blood and ultrasounds... hope I'll be able to jump this hurdle.
Monday, 24 October 2011
Hoping, hoping, hoping...
The nurse called me from my RE's office to tell me about the results of my blood test. My hormones are normal (one hurdle jumped!). My progesterone levels indicate that I have in fact ovulated. My OPK confirmed ovulation at cycle day 18 this month, so it was good to hear that my hormones show that I did ovulate.
She ended by telling me that the pregnancy blood test came back negative, "so you will be getting your period in the next few days". Of course she didn't emphasize 'will', but it felt that way to my paranoid TTC self.
DAMN!
What was it about those words that made me want to prove the lovely nurse wrong? Why did it feel like a challenge?
My RE was very adamant in telling me that although she was going to get a pregnancy blood test done, since it was 10 dpo (days past ovulation), it could still be a false negative since some women don't implant until after 10 dpo.
So what do I do?
Iconvince myself hope that I could be pregnant this time around. How many times have we heard stories of women going to an RE just to find out they were pregnant. Or about to start an IVF cycle just to find out that they were pregnant naturally.
Against my better judgement, I spent the next few days trying to determine if I had any pregnancy symptoms. Naturally, I had them.
You get the point.
By the time I was 14 dpo (I always get my period on 14 dpo), I was crazy.
I couldn't work because I spent my entire day searching for pregnancy symptoms online convinced that I had those symptoms. I must have gone to the bathroom 5 times an hour, no joke, to see if AF (Aunt Flo) had come along.
No AF. So far, so good.
Every time I went to the bathroom and saw that AF hadn't shown her face, I was beyond excited. I wanted to skip back to my office.
Just as I made it to the evening AF-free, I started spotting!
That's okay... I'm not out yet, I told myself. Don't women get spotting in early pregnancy? It could also be implantation bleeding right?
I never spot, I just get right into AF, so I still had hope. Clearly I'm not a quitter. I still had 1% of hope and I was hanging on for dear life.
Seven hours later, after obsessively checking toilet paper, it was a full-blown period.
AF, you evil cow! How I hate you!!!
I was instructed to call the nurse and leave her a message letting her know that I'd gotten my period.
So with a very full wine glass in one hand and my phone in the other, I did as instructed.
She ended by telling me that the pregnancy blood test came back negative, "so you will be getting your period in the next few days". Of course she didn't emphasize 'will', but it felt that way to my paranoid TTC self.
DAMN!
What was it about those words that made me want to prove the lovely nurse wrong? Why did it feel like a challenge?
My RE was very adamant in telling me that although she was going to get a pregnancy blood test done, since it was 10 dpo (days past ovulation), it could still be a false negative since some women don't implant until after 10 dpo.
So what do I do?
I
Against my better judgement, I spent the next few days trying to determine if I had any pregnancy symptoms. Naturally, I had them.
- "Is it me or is it hot in here" - Could this be an early pregnancy symptom?
- "I had to go to the bathroom a hundred times a day, maybe I'm pregnant" - I seemed to have forgotten that I drank 100 glasses of water that day
- "Was that a cramp I felt at 11 dpo? Maybe that was implantation"
- "I'm exhausted today and am going to sleep early - maybe I'm pregnant" - Seems that I forgot I woke up at 6:00 and worked a 12 hour day.
You get the point.
By the time I was 14 dpo (I always get my period on 14 dpo), I was crazy.
I couldn't work because I spent my entire day searching for pregnancy symptoms online convinced that I had those symptoms. I must have gone to the bathroom 5 times an hour, no joke, to see if AF (Aunt Flo) had come along.
No AF. So far, so good.
Every time I went to the bathroom and saw that AF hadn't shown her face, I was beyond excited. I wanted to skip back to my office.
Just as I made it to the evening AF-free, I started spotting!
That's okay... I'm not out yet, I told myself. Don't women get spotting in early pregnancy? It could also be implantation bleeding right?
I never spot, I just get right into AF, so I still had hope. Clearly I'm not a quitter. I still had 1% of hope and I was hanging on for dear life.
Seven hours later, after obsessively checking toilet paper, it was a full-blown period.
AF, you evil cow! How I hate you!!!
I was instructed to call the nurse and leave her a message letting her know that I'd gotten my period.
So with a very full wine glass in one hand and my phone in the other, I did as instructed.
Thursday, 20 October 2011
First RE appointment
I have a confession to make...
My BF doesn't know that I'm seeing an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) or a fertility doctor, as many call it. Like many men, he gets instantly uncomfortable at the drop of the word 'doctor'. I don't want our TTC journey to be about pressure for him, because he needs to perform :) So I've decided that I would meet with a doctor to figure out if my body is perhaps not responding the way it should. Maybe it's something I can figure out.
I know BF and feel that if I share this with him at this point, it will put so much pressure on him, that he won't be able to perform, nor will he be able to relax.
Ignorance is bliss and I'd like to keep it that way for him for now.
I met my RE this morning. Although a bit mechanical, she seems alright. I'm not expecting to make a major emotional connection with my doctor, so I'm okay with that fact that she seems a bit distant. I have friends for hugs.
I just want her to figure our what is going on and see if there is anything that she can do to help.
We met for about 15 minutes. She asked me about my history and told me the next step would be having me give blood so that they can test various hormone levels as well as to give me a pregnancy test.
I almost laughed.
Although I used OPKs this month, I've been feeling very much as though this is yet another unsuccessful month. In fact, I stopped even considering that this may be the month that we conceived like I normally do.
I'm not sure why I feel this way. I know there are couples out there TTC for years (not just months like me). For the first time however, I felt pessimistic about this cycle.
I didn't even consider the possibility of a pregnancy until she mentioned a blood pregnancy test.
Off I went to give roughly 11 vials of blood. Thank God giving blood doesn't freak me out!
My BF doesn't know that I'm seeing an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist) or a fertility doctor, as many call it. Like many men, he gets instantly uncomfortable at the drop of the word 'doctor'. I don't want our TTC journey to be about pressure for him, because he needs to perform :) So I've decided that I would meet with a doctor to figure out if my body is perhaps not responding the way it should. Maybe it's something I can figure out.
I know BF and feel that if I share this with him at this point, it will put so much pressure on him, that he won't be able to perform, nor will he be able to relax.
Ignorance is bliss and I'd like to keep it that way for him for now.
I met my RE this morning. Although a bit mechanical, she seems alright. I'm not expecting to make a major emotional connection with my doctor, so I'm okay with that fact that she seems a bit distant. I have friends for hugs.
I just want her to figure our what is going on and see if there is anything that she can do to help.
We met for about 15 minutes. She asked me about my history and told me the next step would be having me give blood so that they can test various hormone levels as well as to give me a pregnancy test.
I almost laughed.
Although I used OPKs this month, I've been feeling very much as though this is yet another unsuccessful month. In fact, I stopped even considering that this may be the month that we conceived like I normally do.
I'm not sure why I feel this way. I know there are couples out there TTC for years (not just months like me). For the first time however, I felt pessimistic about this cycle.
I didn't even consider the possibility of a pregnancy until she mentioned a blood pregnancy test.
Off I went to give roughly 11 vials of blood. Thank God giving blood doesn't freak me out!
Wednesday, 12 October 2011
How it all began...
First of all, I'll apologize for not having a more exciting title, but at least it's descriptive :)
In short - I'm an almost 34-year-old eagerly on the TTC (Trying to conceive) journey.
Like countless other women, I've known I wanted to be a mother since the age of 5. That was the age someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I told them "I'm gonna be a mommy".
Fast forward 29 years... I've checked off all my other 'must haves' to get closer to being a mommy. Everything I did was to get closer to motherhood. I rushed through college, developed a great career, started a business and finally met a fantastic partner. Now it's baby time!
I say 'partner', because 'boyfriend' seems so trivial, especially at age 34. But essentially, that's what he is at this point, so I'll refer to him as BF from here on. BF and I have been seeing each other for a year and a half, great friends for two. At 46, he's obviously much, much older than me. After much hesitation, I decided that the age difference is not something I wanted to keep me away from getting to know him better, so I continued this relationship and boy am I glad I did!
Planning a life together and working tirelessly towards that goal, we've decided to start the journey to start a family. After years of being careful not to get pregnant, I assumed that it was something that would happen almost instantly.
After 11 months of trying, we're without a BFP.
One of my biggest fears has always been that I may not be able to have a baby. I'm a big time worrier - I worry about everything little thing that could happen in life. I'm even more worried now that there could be something seriously wrong.
After months of counting cycle days, monitoring CM (so not what I ever thought I'd do) and for the last 3 months, using OPKs, I've decided to get a referral to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist).
My appointment is in a few days...
In short - I'm an almost 34-year-old eagerly on the TTC (Trying to conceive) journey.
Like countless other women, I've known I wanted to be a mother since the age of 5. That was the age someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I told them "I'm gonna be a mommy".
Fast forward 29 years... I've checked off all my other 'must haves' to get closer to being a mommy. Everything I did was to get closer to motherhood. I rushed through college, developed a great career, started a business and finally met a fantastic partner. Now it's baby time!
I say 'partner', because 'boyfriend' seems so trivial, especially at age 34. But essentially, that's what he is at this point, so I'll refer to him as BF from here on. BF and I have been seeing each other for a year and a half, great friends for two. At 46, he's obviously much, much older than me. After much hesitation, I decided that the age difference is not something I wanted to keep me away from getting to know him better, so I continued this relationship and boy am I glad I did!
Planning a life together and working tirelessly towards that goal, we've decided to start the journey to start a family. After years of being careful not to get pregnant, I assumed that it was something that would happen almost instantly.
After 11 months of trying, we're without a BFP.
One of my biggest fears has always been that I may not be able to have a baby. I'm a big time worrier - I worry about everything little thing that could happen in life. I'm even more worried now that there could be something seriously wrong.
After months of counting cycle days, monitoring CM (so not what I ever thought I'd do) and for the last 3 months, using OPKs, I've decided to get a referral to an RE (Reproductive Endocrinologist).
My appointment is in a few days...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)